Miracle

hey . . let me be honest. . i let you go it doesn't mean i don't love you anymore . . i just want to see if you were happy with me or without me . . im glad to see u happy with ur life now.. but for me, i feel nothing but lonely . . u left me an empty space.. i cant say how much i want u back . . i dont know if u want to make this once again . . but i wish u come and fill me again like before . it was my mistake when i let you go . . pretty shy but im going to say this .. . NUR FATEHAH ZAINURI will you be my wachaa once again?? 

Suddenly got a text message from him this evening. I was soooooooooooo shocked to see his name popped out on my phone screen. He wrote in the text - I want you back. Come back please. God knows how I felt at that very moment. And God knows how much I want him back. I was soooooooo speechless for a while. Haha. I wanted to reply the text but I'm out of credit so I decided to reply by sending a PM on Facebook. Then I saw him online and that made my heart goes weeeeeeeee. Hewwww. Gedik much haa ? Like I care. Hahhhh. So , nak dijadikan cerita, rupanya before dia text aku tu , dia dah PM awal awal dah kat FB. That red text above is what he has PM-ed me. 


I really thanked God for what happened. Like I've said in my last entry , I'll give him a second chance if he ask me to. And yes , I gave him. I just couldn't resist him. Haha. Okay enough.

Today

17/5/2012. It should be our 20 months monthasary or whatsoever the shit is. But , naaaaaaahhh , not anymore. Now , it's our 7th day of break up. Sedih ? Gembira ? Well , the answer is more likely to sedih. Yes, sedih. Almost two years , and it just end like that. Siapa je yang tak sedih kalau dah in relationship for that amount of time. Mulut cakap okay , hidup perlu diteruskan , tapi hati ? It ain't that easy to accept all this. Take a loooonnggg time for the heart to heal.

Dalam masa seminggu ni , aku rasa tak pernah sehari pun tak teringatkan dia , tak pernah sehari pun air mata ni tak menitik. Macam mana aku hold on pun , air mata ni senang je nak keluar. Macam asdfghjkl. I don't know how long it will take so that I will be like , totally okay , totally over it and totally over him. 

I know it may sound stupid , but I just can't get over him. Frankly speaking , aku tak pernah sayang mana mana lelaki macam mana aku sayang dia. Except for the guys in my family la kan. There's just too much memories. Memang laa dia banyak sakitkan aku tapi *sigh* entahlah. Kadang kadang , bila ada msg masuk or incoming call , aku selalu harap tu dia walaupun aku tahu benda tu mustahil sangat sangat.

Letting go is hard and not loving you is harder than you know. Aku rasa selagi dia tak jumpa perempuan lain , selagi tu aku tak boleh lupa dia agaknya. Agaknya lah. Tak pun keluar dari mulut dia sendiri yg dia betul betul dah mmg takde apa apa perasaan kat aku. I've been questioning myself , how could I asked him to leave me when I know if it's time for the reality to struck , I will hurt myself eventually ? If he really does care , he will try his best to save the relationship. Dia akan pujuk aku supaya jgn break , say sorry or at least , trying his best to change. Ini tidak. So it was really obvious that he doesn't want this relationship. But still , kalau lah tiba tiba dia text or call asking for another chance , I would be glad to give another chance to him. In other word , I'm waiting for him.

Bodoh kan aku ? Orang dah buat macam macam , still terhegeh hegeh. Macam lah dia nak kat aku lagi kan. Aku tak tahu kenapa aku percaya yg dia boleh berubah. Serious tak tahu. Terlampau sayang maybe. Dan terlampau takut nak hilang dia. Aku dah takut nak sayang orang lebih lebih dah eversince that day. Sakit tahu tak ? Sayang org bagai nak gila , last last , mcm ni je ending dia. Babun betul.

Wanie konon konon dgn hasrat murni dia nak suruh kitorang get back balik. Haha. Itu kelakar. Sedih. Dan mustahil. Dah macam takde harapan langsung je aku tgk. Kalau aku online , dia online , tegur pun taknak. Padahal bukan pakai duit pun nak tegur tu. Takkan aku nak tegur dulu ? Mmg tak la kan. Dulu bukan main lagi , nampak je aku online , tegur terus. Skng ni aku rasa , dia buat tak kenal je. Aku bukan main lah excited tunggu dia nak tegur. Musnah berkecai harapan. Haha. K , cukup aku rasa. Cerita panjang lebar pun , aku takkan dapat dia balik.

Harley Davidson and Me

I know each time I said I wanna ride a Harley Davidson bike , people will laugh at me, Sobss. Sedih tahu. Yee , aku sedar badan aku tak besar mana. Tapi , tak salahkan bercita cita , berangan tu semua ? Teringat member sekampus pernah cakap , kalau aku bawa motor tu , motor tu ke depan , aku dah terbang ke belakang. LOL. Kurang asam betul tahu.

I find this bike is soooooo ohhhhsssseeeeeemmmm. Don't know why. Mmg sejak azali dah suka. Haha. Nak nak lagi bila bawa motor tu siap pakai suit dia sekali. Smart + Stylo = Super duper AWESOME ! 

Homeless

A few days ago , aku dgn family aku ronda ronda pergi pasar dekat dekat dgn Kg. Baru tu nak mencari siput sedut. Haha. Time tu around pukul 2 , 3 pagi mcm tu. Hujan lebat pula time kitorang sampai kat situ. Habis barang barang yg org dekat situ jual. Sayur , buah , ikan , ayam tu semua , ada yg kena hujan. Siput sedut yg dicari , takde. Busu cakap, 'siput sedut takde , guna siput babi jee laa'. LOL. Sesuka hati jee busu. Lepas pergi pasar tu, kitorang jalan tgh KL. Kat situ , I saw a lot of homeless people yg tidur dekat kaki lima. Dengan hujan lebatnya. Mesti dorang sejuk gila. Sumpah kesian sangat tengok time tu. I almost dropped my tears watching them. Entah entah ada yg sakit ke , yg lapar ke apa ke. I wonder , where's their family ? Why they end up being like that ? Is it God punisment for their wrongdoings in the past ? How they cope with their life now ?

 I wish I can give them a shelter. Foods. Clothes. I wish I could help them. To be frank , dari kecik lagi sebenarnya aku teringin sangat nak buat satu rumah , lepastu bagi this homeless people stay situ. Aku selalu tgk golongan golongan gelandangan ni tidur sepah sepah. Ada tu orang tua. Ada tu perempuan dgn anak kecik dia. Sayu je hati tgk. Hati siapa jee yg tak sayu bila tgk orang mcm tu merempat tepi jalan , korek tong sampah semata mata nak makan.

Kita yang hidup ada rumah , ada makan dan pakaian yang cukup dah patut bersyukur sangat dah. Even kita rasa hidup kita ni susah , think of the homeless people out there. Lagi susah dari kita. Kita nak makan , masak je. Tak pun beli je dekat luar. Dorang tu ? Kena mengemis. Kena korek tong sampah.

The End

We're done. Totally done. No more you. No more me. No more us. You've changed. Always left me hanging. Sampai satu tahap, I couldn't stand it anymore. Sabar aku dah habis. Selama ni aku bertahan sebab fikir sayang , sebab fikir yg dia akan berubah. Tapi aku silap. Dah kalau macam aku jee yg terhegeh hegeh and he just sit there , doing nothing , what's the point of holding on ? What's the point of fighting for us ? It means nothing I guess. I texted a broke up text and actually , was hoping for you to fight for us. But as people always said , don't hope too much because that too much will cause a pain in the heart. And , it does. You didn't even fight for us. If you do care about us , you'll fight for it. But no , you didn't do that. You let me go. And that gives a biggest impact on me. To be honest , it's too hurt for me to accept it. But , what else can I do ? I'm the one who asked for it , so I have to accept all the consequences.

I don't put all the blame on on you. I admitted, I was wrong too. I was wrong because expect too much from you when I know one day , it will hurts me too. I cried. So hard. But now , I'm feeling so much better. Because you know , when you're crying, it's like you clean your soul.

Aku fikir fikir fikir dan fikir dalam dalam. Semua ni jadi sbb Allah dah aturkan yg terbaik. And aku percaya dgn jodoh Allah. Kalau dah tertulis jodoh aku dgn dia , satu hari nnt , he'll be mine. Kalau tak tertulis jodoh aku dgn dia, if we still be together pun, he'll not be mine. 

All our memories , the moment when we first met , the moment when he used to make me smile even when I'm mad , our late night conversations , the moment when he used to be there when I needed him the most , the moment when he used to make me laugh , the moment when we used to go out for a date , the place we go , the things he said , I will never forget it. I thanked Allah for lent him to me , even for a while. And God knows how much I love him , how much I miss him. Sometimes , we have to let go something that we love the most. It's the time for me to move on and be strong.


p/s : I'm glad cause I've had a chance to get to know you better this 20 months. I know you'll be doing just perfectly fine without me. I pray the best for you. Mohammad Izzad Faizwan , thanks for giving a space for me in your heart even for awhile. :)

1st March 2012

Usually benda yg kita tak well-planned mesti jadi. Not all. But mesti ada sikit. I didn't planned to go to KB Mall yesterday. We were planning to go to McD Wakaf Che Yeh but somehow nak dijadikan cerita , there's a fire near the McD. And kebetulan , dorang nk htr Aiza dkt KB Mall. Aku jee yg tak tahu sebenarnyaa. Call me lame , but yeah , aku mmg tak tahu. Haha. Then , kitorang pun ikut lah jalan lain pergi ke KB Mall tu kan. Bajet2 nak makan McD laa kat sana. Last2 sampai sana lambat sgt sbb jalan jammed. Actually , ada hikmah lambat tu. Hee. Kalau kitorang sampai ikut timing kitorang , I don't think I'll get the chance to meet him. Hewhew. So , semalam dapatlah jumpa i.F kejap kan. Dapat lah lepas rindu kan kan. Tak sampai 10 minit pun kottt jumpa. *sigh* Tapi tape , yg penting dapat jumpa. :)

Kwangsoo a.k.a Hamihami

I got a bear from him as a birthday present. Ohh , I'm such a happy kid yesterday. Thank you , love :)

p/s : i love you

Rulesbreaker

I'm the rulesbreaker , people !

Note that.

Thank you.